Being selfless and self-sacrificing are often seen as wonderful traits and they certainly have their place, but they need to come from a position of strength and choice.
If you don’t put yourself first in your life, why would you expect that someone else should? When we take care of ourselves and ensure that all our needs are met, then we can easily look after others and boost them up to the same level.
I had been offering (over text) to help a friend with her move, but she hadn’t yet taken me up on it. When I saw her in person, I told her that it was a selfish offer on my part. I wanted to spend time with her and I knew that the move was taking up all her free time. I had moved a few months before and clearly remembered the stress and distress I felt and how much it meant to have helping hands.
She hadn’t wanted to ask for help, but really appreciated when I came to her aid and assisted in sorting and transporting 2 car loads. We also had a great time hanging out, got a good workout and ended up going to see a student play afterwards. I had not expected the day to end with us all dressed up in a theatre, but it was a fantastic cap to a productive day!
When you let people know that you have a self-centred motivation for helping them out, it creates trust and makes it easier for them to accept the offer. We often keep a sharp eye out for the motivation behind a too-good-to-be-true offer and sometimes it’s comforting to see that it’s simply a win-win situation.
I’m often selfish by assisting others, because I know that it will make it easier for me to ask for their help in the future. I don’t feel that they are obligated to me, but I’m more confident that they trust that I would do the same for them, because I already have.
When have you felt that being selfish is a good thing?