Be Positively Selfish

Being selfless and self-sacrificing are often seen as wonderful traits and they certainly have their place, but they need to come from a position of strength and choice.

If you don’t put yourself first in your life, why would you expect that someone else should? When we take care of ourselves and ensure that all our needs are met, then we can easily look after others and boost them up to the same level.

I had been offering (over text) to help a friend with her move, but she hadn’t yet taken me up on it. When I saw her in person, I told her that it was a selfish offer on my part. I wanted to spend time with her and I knew that the move was taking up all her free time. I had moved a few months before and clearly remembered the stress and distress I felt and how much it meant to have helping hands.

tZ+SbeOHSOm5vZLLgmTq%Q She hadn’t wanted to ask for help, but really appreciated when I came to her aid and assisted in sorting and transporting 2 car loads. We also had a great time hanging out, got a good workout and ended up going to see a student play afterwards. I had not expected the day to end with us all dressed up in a theatre, but it was a fantastic cap to a productive day!

When you let people know that you have a self-centred motivation for helping them out, it creates trust and makes it easier for them to accept the offer. We often keep a sharp eye out for the motivation behind a too-good-to-be-true offer and sometimes it’s comforting to see that it’s simply a win-win situation.

I’m often selfish by assisting others, because I know that it will make it easier for me to ask for their help in the future. I don’t feel that they are obligated to me, but I’m more confident that they trust that I would do the same for them, because I already have.

When have you felt that being selfish is a good thing?

TED Talk: Dream Big, Start Small

I’m often intimidated by big goals and I see my son struggle with this as well. Monumental tasks grow even larger in our imaginations explore all the steps and possible obstacles involved. The only way to start something that seems insurmountable is to break it down into manageable chunks.

It’s important to remember that these bite-size pieces of a project can look vastly different for everyone. We all have different skill sets and attention spans. Consistency is the key with this process, know that great things do not happen overnight. I also embrace the idea of stepping back when you are stuck and tackling the issue from another angle or working on a different segment. I find this works well for me with independent projects, when I feel my interest or focus waning.

Another trick is to give your brain a rest and do something that connects you with your body: stretching, go for a walk, do a thoughtless task, etc.

One of my go-to expressions when someone is feeling overwhelmed is to ask, “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.” Do you have a mantra to remind you to break lofty projects down to easy to manage tasks?

Don't Fear, Persevere

Often, we don’t see larger patterns until we have the advantage of distance, whether physical, emotional or chronological. I write for myself to create clarity and to empty out my brain when it gets too full. I often find the concepts of fear and time crowding into words that leak out of my pen. This is an excerpt that speaks to me directly and may resonate with others.

Once upon a time there was nothing, until one day there was something.

That’s when it all began. Time no longer stood still, it raced with every heartbeat and stood still for no man, no one, no thing.

Time was a beast that could not be caged or tamed. It raved and railed against the falling of the night. The sun could not come up fast enough to suit the speed of light that pushed something through the day. So much to do in so little time.

People to save, places to go and pictures to take. There was no peace even in sleep. Dreams brought fantasy to light and took time to a new place of purpose.

More could always be done. Efficiency could be improved. Time wasted was time that could never be replaced. Not enough hours in the day, not enough days in the week. Months slipped by in a stream of rise and shine and falling exhausted into a waiting bed.

Every day brought new challenges to reach more people and offer them help to change their lives and perspectives. Help them to see beyond the walls they built to keep themselves enslaved to routine and trapped in the cage of responsibilities, real and imagined.

A chance to breathe was offered. An opportunity to see another way, to taste freedom and rediscover the energy of being oneself and not living to die and hating the vessel that carries us quickly to the grave.

You can make better, you can do better, you can FEEL better. Hope, energy, freedom, confidence, capability, all wait for you on the other side of everything that scares you and hold you back from where you need to be.

Change is frightening because it leads to the unknown. SHOW THEM what it looks like, TELL THEM what it feels like, LEAD THEM to where they can be the leader. Then they can share the world with those they love and lead them to longer better lives that fill their bellies, hearts and heads.

SAVE THEM from themselves and the habits that enslave them. Offer them the choice, make it easy and appealing. Show them the way and give them the means to make the transition. Fill your cup first, let it overflow and slake the thirsts of all around you. Reach out to find those who need your words, wisdom and encouragement.

DON’T STOP, DON’T REST, DON’T WAIT! Go to them and show them what they need to know. Don’t give in to fear, but persevere. Don’t fear, persevere.

You can change yourself. You can change your world. You can inspire and educate.

Show them.

Do you find that there are themes in your work and your life that constantly resurface?